You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
