I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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