he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
