Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
