i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
did i walk over a car last night?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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