the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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