remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
