She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
