When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
