did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
