my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
