Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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