My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
