Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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