it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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