Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
