Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
