Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
