I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
