What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
