She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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