he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
