i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
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