I think my fart just growled at me.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
