Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
