I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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