It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
