I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
