the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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