GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
