Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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