Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
