There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I don't deserve a penis
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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