I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Come on in and take your pants off
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