you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
