Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
