Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
