ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
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