One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
