i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
