I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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