she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
