Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
