I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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