his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
