We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
