checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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