He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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