Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
