go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
