I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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