the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize
